Fruitcakes Strike Back
by J3m-j3M
Summary: When 2 Jedis are on a mission to stop an Evil Sith, what wacky concepts happen to them!! *Also by jEnIkA dA jEdI*
1. The mission begins

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
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A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...  
  
A Master and her Padawan was on a mission. Their mission was to find the secret base of the evil sith, Darth Jim-is-gay. Their first stop is Planet Tanooshi, the home of the Wookies. (Don't ask me, ask my friend, Jenika da Jedi, she thought of that idea)  
  
Padawan Jenika: Master, where are we going?  
  
Master Jemi: We are going to Planet Tanooshi, young one.  
  
Jenika: But Master, we are the same age.   
  
Jemi: This is a fan fic, Padawan... and I'm many years old. Besides the author you're based on is younger than the author I'm based on. ^_^  
  
Jenika: Oh.  
  
Jemi: Now that's another reason why the author made you just a Padawan and not a Master... you're slow. *snickers*  
  
Jenika: o.O  
  
They finally landed in Tanooshi, and was greeted by a handsome fellow. (Sumhow he looks like a Josh Harnett look-alike)  
  
Josh Ttentrah: Hi, I'm Josh Ttentrah! (See, even his name is Josh)  
  
As Jemi and Jenika were walking down the platform, all of a Jenika ran as fast as she could like in those Japanese cartoons, to greet him.   
  
Jenika: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!  
  
Josh: Welcome to the land of the Josh and the Wookies! How can I help you?  
  
Jenika: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! *FaInTs*  
  
Josh: o.O  
  
Jemi: Josh? I thought Wookies only lived here?  
  
Josh: Oh, its the land of the Josh too, since some evil dude cloned Josh Hartnett... is ur friend alrite?  
  
Jemi: Oh, yes, my Padawan's cool... she's just over excited to see u  
  
Josh: OK.....  
  
Jemi: She's just got a major crush on Josh Hartnett since she just recently saw his movie, 'Blowdry' and she really wants revenge on Rachel Leigh Cook for co-staring with him, and I can see that she fainted because you look just like him.  
  
Jenika started to wake up from her little slumber and screamed again when she saw Josh.  
  
Jemi: WILL YOU STOP SCREAMING ALREADY?!?!? *Takes out a Japanese mallet and hit Jenika on the head*  
  
Jenika: OWWIE, MASTER!!!  
  
Jemi: Now then, may we please see the leader of this planet?  
  
Josh: Ah, yes, I shall lead you to Lewmacca.  
  
Jemi and Jenika followed the clone, to the leader of Tanooshi.  
  
Jenika: Master, doesn't that name sound familiar?  
  
Jemi: It sort of does, Jenika, let me check. *Takes out the script of all 5 episodes of Star Wars and start skimming thru it.* AH-HAH, Lewmacca must be related to Chewbacca in Episode 4, 5, & 6.  
  
Jenika: Are you supposed to have that?  
  
Jemi: No, but it explains everything, though.  
  
Jenika: Tru dat.  
  
The trio continued on their journey to Lewmacca's lair. Finally they entered into a large tomb, filled with hair balls all over the place.  
  
Jenika: Ewww....  
  
Josh: Oh, um... sorry about that. It's shedding season.  
  
Jemi: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Just look at this mess. *Takes out a vacuum cleaner, and sucks out the hair on the floor*  
  
Jenika: MASTER! We're here to talk to Lewmacca, not to clean his tomb!  
  
Jemi: Oh, right, sorry. *Puts away the vacuum cleaner*  
  
Josh: O.o  
  
Jenika: *whispers to Josh* She has a habit of cleaning things.  
  
Josh: Oh, I see.  
  
They final walk into Lewmacca's royal chamber where they see several Joshes serving Lewmacca  
  
Jenika: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Jemi: Not again...  
  
Josh 1: Presenting the royal LEWMACCA!!!   
  
Jenika: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *Jemi covers her mouth* mumff!!!!  
  
Lewmacca: Rowrr!! *Josh 2 serves him juice* RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOWWWFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!! *throws juice at Josh 2*  
  
Jemi: Ummm... is this a bad time?  
  
Lewmacca: Rwof row roff!!  
  
Josh Ttentarh (aka Josh T. from now on): Nah, he just says he welcomes you to his kingdom and would like you to hurry up with whatever you want since he has a baseball game with Han Solo and his cousin. Lewmacca, we have guests here today, which is...  
  
Jemi: *Let's go of Jenika and bows down* Master Jemi and...   
  
Jenika: *Wipes off the hairballs of her tunic and soon was nudged by Jemi* Oh, and Jenika. *bows down*   
  
Jemi: My Padawan and I have travel far across the galaxy and— JENIKA, WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GOOD FORCE ARE YOU DOING?!?!  
  
Jenika: *hugging a Josh* He's mine…ALL MINE…MY PREEESSSSSSSSCCCCCIIIIIOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSS!!!!!  
  
Josh 3: Can't…breath…  
  
Jemi: LET HIM GO! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE DARK SIDE?  
  
Jenika: Sorry, Master *let's go of Josh* Sorry.  
  
Josh 3: You hurt me...*begins to cry*  
  
Jenika: What a wuss.  
  
Jemi: As I was saying we have traveled far and wide to fulfill a mission. The Senate has tracked a Darth Jim-is-gay around this part of the universe. We are to find him before he releases his secret master plan.  
  
Lewmacca: Row Rowf Roff?  
  
Josh T: He wants to know what is Darth Jim-is-gay planning.  
  
Jenika: We don't know…that's why he's hiding in a secret base somewhere in the galaxy and that's why it's a secret master plan.  
  
Jemi: We would like to have you're permission to search you're planet with out you're fellow Wookies or Joshes hurting us or miss taking us as enemies. This "Jim-is-gay" is very dangerous.  
  
Lewmacca: Roof rowf roff?  
  
Josh T: What's in it for him?  
  
Jemi: Well, a safe planet from that evil asshole that's what! What more do you want?  
  
Lewmacca: Rowff roff rofo foor!  
  
Josh T: He wants an Ewok as his very own pet and 400 credits…he owns money to Han…plus he wants them all in 4 hours.  
  
Jenika: We can give 400 credits but we can't give you an Ewok!! I want one too and plus we'll have to go to Endor to get one!!  
  
Jemi: Fine, we'll get the Ewok  
  
Jenika: But Master! Darth Jim-is-gay maybe activating his plan at this ver minute!   
  
Jemi: EWOK. We'll be back in in less than you can say lightsaber.  
  
Josh T: Lightsaber.  
  
Jemi: Shut up. *Jemi and Jenika leave chamber*  
  
So Jemi and Jenika reboard their ship to get an Ewok on the planet Endor for Lewmacca, the ruler of Tanooshi. What will happen to our brave Jedi knights? Will Jenika ever get to have Josh Hartnett? (the answer to that is so very clear: NO) Will they complete their mission? We'll try to make up the next chapter A.S.A.P!! LoLz.   
  
jEnIkA: Can we add more Joshes?  
  
JeMi: No, we can't. There are too many already.  
  
jEnIkA: Please?  
  
JeMi: No.  
  
jEnIkA: Please?  
  
JeMi: No.  
  
jEnIkA: PLEASE!?!?!?!?!  
  
JeMi: NO! NOW SHUT UP AND THINK BEFORE I KICK UR LITTLE PADAWAN ASS!  
  
jEnIkA: Yes, master… :-(  
  
Jemi: ^_^ I'm glad you saw it mah way… 


	2. The Millenium Falcon

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
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jEnIkA: You sure we can't add more Joshes?  
  
JeMi: YES!  
  
jEniKa: OK, sorry for asking… someone has PMS today…  
  
JeMi: I DON'T HAVE PMS! YOU'RE JUST DAMN ANNOYING!! NO MORE JOSHES!!!  
  
jEnIkA: Well can we add some Lotr characters??  
  
JeMi: Jen?  
  
jEnIkA: Yes?  
  
JeMi: Just please, I beg you please, go to hell…   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When we last our Jedis, they were about to board their ship to go to…  
  
Jenika: *standing outside ship as Jemi unloads items* Endor! Master, it takes more than 3 hours to get there! What Lewmacca is asking is impossible if we use our ship! It's a piece of junk!   
  
Jemi: *hands Jenika some boxes* Exactly… that's why we're not taking this ship.  
  
Jenika: o.O we're not?  
  
Jemi: No, we're not. Instead, we're going to hijack that one. *points to the Millennium Falcon and grabs Jenika by the arm* Now come on, they'll be out soon. *runs aboard the Falcon*  
  
As they hide, Han Solo and Chewbacca and Lewmacca emerge…  
  
Lewmacca: Rowf rooff!!  
  
Han: Aw, come on! It's just a baseball game! We have plenty of bats! You can borrow one of Chewie's if you left yours!!  
  
Chewie: ROWF ROFF?!?  
  
Han: Because mine are touched only by me and are in good condition, since I don't use it to hit others with it when I'm mad.  
  
Chewie: ROWF!   
  
Han: THERE'S NO WAY I'M LETTING YOU OR YOUR DAMN UGLY COUSIN TOUCH MY BATS!   
  
Chewie: ROOF RWOF!  
  
Han: No, he can't go get his bat cause I want to play ball!  
  
Chewie: ROOF!  
  
Han: NO!!  
  
Chewie: ROOF!  
  
Han: NO!!!!!  
  
As they continued to argue, the Falcon all of a sudden began to take off…  
  
Han: WHAT THE HELL!?! WHO ARE THEY?! GET BACK HERE WITH MAH MOTHERF******* SHIP!!   
  
Chewie: Roof rowf rrof foor.  
  
Han: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DESERVED IT? WHAT THE DID I DO? PLUS HOW DID I MAKE THIS FAN FIC NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN? AND WHAT'S A FAN FIC? ARGH!!!!  
  
Lewmacca: Roff rowf roof?  
  
Han: Hell, sure why not, we'll play cards until they come back. I'll be the dealer.  
  
Lewmacca: ROOF ROWF??  
  
Han: Because the last time you cheated.  
  
Lewmacca: ROWF RROF FOOR!!  
  
Han: YES, YOU DID!!  
  
Lewmacca: ROOF ROWF!!  
  
So Han Solo, Lewmacca, and Chewbacca starts arguing who should be the dealer.  
  
~*~Aboard the Falcon~*~  
  
Jenika: *digging through one of Han Solo's hidden compartments* Oh my force, what's this? *picks up pictures of Princess Leia… um… naked* Holy cow! I could sell this on Ebay and make money! $_$ Hmmm…  
  
Jemi: Good idea… wait a minute… PUT THAT BACK! A JEDI MUST NOT KNOW POSSESION REMEMBER!?! AND BESIDES... your a girl... why would a girl sell naked pictures of another woman? *shudders*  
  
Jenika: Sorry, Master and now to come to think of that... *drops pictures of Leia onto the floor* Oopsie, OH WELL.  
  
Jemi: That's better. Anyways this ship has lightspeed so we can get to Endor faster… so don't press the blue button till I tell you to…  
  
Jenika: Wow, look at this really big bluish button *presses lightspeed button*  
  
Jemi: Oh, god…*ship goes to lightspeed* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~ At Darth Jim-is-gay's secret lair ~*~  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: YES!!! MWA-HAHAHAHA!!! My most diabolical plan is about to be very successful until I get the last item of my machine to make every person in the galaxy.................. GAY/LESBIAN!!!!!!!! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This will be my revenge on those people who teases me being gay. When I start this machine, NO ONE WILL MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE EVERYONE WILL BE HOMOSEXUAL!!! MWA-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! The last thing I need is... *looks down at his list.* an Ewok. Crap, that will take me about 3 hours to get to Endor. I must call my apprentice to steal one. *whistles* DARTH TOM-IS-QUEER, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!!  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: Yes, Master, what do you need?  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: I need you to go to Endor to get an Ewok for my plan to ruin everyone's life miserable!!!  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: But, Master, it takes about 3 hours to get to Endor.  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: YES, I KNOW THAT!! That's why I called you to fly there in your ship, which has light-speed, to get there faster!  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: Oh, that's why.  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: *mutters* No, wonder why we named him Tom-is-queer, he's so strange in some sort of way.  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: HEY! I heard that! And that was hurtful. *Eyes begin to swell up*  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: Aww, not the puppy dog eyes! Please don't cry!!! *begins to cry too*  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: OH, DON'T CRY MASTER!! I STILL LOVE YOU!!  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: THEN IF U LOVE ME, GET YOUR ASS OVER TO ENDOR.  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: Yes, hunnie.  
  
So Darth Tom-is-queer, sets off to Endor on his umm... PURPLE ship the 'Gaylord 5000'. He soon then takes off to the galaxy, on his way to get an Ewok for his lov- I mean Master.  
  
~*~ So now we leave our heroes to find an Ewok in Endor for Lewmacca, and same goes for Darth Tom-is-gay for his lov- I mean Master. Who will find an Ewok first? Will Jenika and Jemi get back to Tanooshi in time to stop Darth Jim-is-gay diabolical plan? *Cuz certainly I dont wanna be homosexual* Tune in next time for next chp!!! P.S. Please r/r, THX ~*~  
  
By jEnIkA dA jEdI & MaStEr JeMi 


	3. Endor

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
As Darth Tom-is-gay rides off into the deep wonders of spaces, there is a big CRASH on Endor...  
  
Jenika: What was that master?  
  
Jemi: We just landed on Endor, my Padawan. How could you not feel the crash?  
  
Jenika: NO, not that... that sound...  
  
Jemi: Sound? *hears a moaning coming from another room* Padawan, go check it out... and have your lightsaber ready just in case.  
  
Jenika goes through the many rooms of the Falcon. In every cabinet and closet there was nothing. She goes back to Master Jemi, still unsatisfied.  
  
Jenika: There's nothing master. I can't find it.  
  
Jemi: Did you check everywhere, Jenika?   
  
Jenika: Why, yes, I- *The secret compartment opens and Jenika and Jemi draws their lightsabers* HOLY SHIT!  
  
Jemi: Oh god...  
  
Inside the compartment were two people... um... doing it...  
  
Anakin & Padme: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jenika: *holding lightsaber between the two* WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?  
  
Anakin: Um... I'm... Padme, you explain first...  
  
Padme: No, you.  
  
Anakin: YOU!  
  
Padme: YOU!  
  
Jemi: SHHH! There's another sound! Padawan, go check it out...I think its in the other compartment near the door. *Jenika goes over to the other compartment* You two... um... having a sexual reaction in here?  
  
Padme: Um... yes. *Smiles & blushes*  
  
Jemi: Why are you doing it in a small room?  
  
Anakin: To make it more exciting. ^_^  
  
Jemi: o.O Okay, then...  
  
Jenika goes over the other compartment and opens it to see another passenger aboard, but doing something less serious.  
  
Jenika: *holding lightsaber against the man with crackers on his bread* Damn, *sigh* who are you and wat's the story?  
  
Obi Wan Kenobi: *eating cheese nips, but does not look up*  
  
Jenika: Excuse me, WHAT IS YOUR NAME!?!  
  
Obi Wan: *mouth-full* I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight. Who can you be? *More crackers fall onto his bread* Would you like to join me for tea?  
  
Jenika: *wiping food off her tunic* Ew, first hair balls, now food. Gross, man. Oh, I'm Jenika, Padawan of Master Jemi and um, I hate tea. Master Obi-Wan... I have heard of you. It's an honor to meet you. MASTER JEMI!! EW, stop eating you're getting food on me!  
  
Jemi: *runs to Jenika* what is it, Padawan?  
  
Jenika: It's Master Kenobi, Master.  
  
Jemi: OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMGOMGOMG!! *Faints*  
  
Jenika: Master?  
  
Obi-Wan: A Jedi must not know love… even if I'm incredibly handsome.  
  
Jenika: *mutters* I think Josh Hartnett is hotter…  
  
Obi-Wan: I HEARD THAT AND DON'T MAKE ME DESTORY YOU  
  
Jenika: *rolls her eyes* That's the Dark Side talking now… *waves a hand in his face* You will continue you to eat cheese nips.  
  
Obi wan: I will continue to eat cheese nips *eats cheese nips*  
  
Jenika: Damn, it worked…  
  
Jemi: *wakes up* huh? OMG! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Jenika: SHUT UP!! *Hits Jemi with a pan* Revenge is great…  
  
Jemi: OW, JENIKA! GO MEDITATE FOR THE NEXT HOUR! NEVER HIT A MASTER!!  
  
Jenika: Yes, master…  
  
Jemi: That's better. Anyways what in the galaxy happened with the other two? *Hears a moaning* Oh, force not again…  
  
So once again Jemi go to stop Anakin and Padme from reproducing any long. All of a sudden they hear another crash…  
  
Jemi: Padawan, did you hear that? *Cricket sound*   
  
Jemi: JENIKA!!!!!!!  
  
Jenika: Great, you ruined my mediation!  
  
Jemi: Forget that, young one. Did you hear the crash?   
  
Jenika: Yes, I did master. Let's check it out. But what about them? *points to Obi-Wan eating and Anakin and Padme making out*   
  
Jemi: *sigh* I guess we'll have to bring them along too…  
  
Jemi and Jenika walks up to the very wierd trio and asks them to come to their journey.  
  
Jemi - Would the three of you come with us? We just heard something and we would probably need some help.  
  
Anakin, Padme, & Obi-Wan: NO!  
  
Jemi: What the hell? Why? You think that having sex and eating cheese nips are better than looking for a mysterious being walking around the planet?  
  
Anakin, Padme, & Obi-Wan: Yes.  
  
Jemi - O.o You guys are hopeless.  
  
Jenika: If you don't come with us, that being will CRUSH you, GRIND you into tiny pieces and BLAST you into oblivion!  
  
Obi-Wan: How come that sounds familiar?  
  
Jenika: ^_^ That was your line in Episode I. *takes Jemi's Star Wars script and found the page where he says that line.* See?  
  
Obi-Wan: O.O That was freaky, I guess I will come, since it worked on Jar Jar.  
  
Anakin: I'm coming.  
  
Padme: You're a coward.  
  
Anakin: Would you want to get killed? *says in a very seductive voice*  
  
Padme: Mmm.. your kind of convincing. *starts kissing Anakin again*  
  
Jemi: *Hits them with a pan* DON'T START KISSING AGAIN OR WILL HAVE TO USE MY LIGHTSABER ON YOU!!  
  
Anakin & Padme: OWW!! *rubs their heads* We'll stop making-out, and we'll follow you.  
  
Our Jedi friends have found more Jedi friends to help find the Ewok, they need them for no really good reason… best of all it's the characters we all know and love, but they are doing something really, really dumb. So here's ends the dumbest chapter of our fan fic…lolz.   
  
jEnIkA: There we go! DONE!  
  
JeMi: *wakes up* Huh?  
  
jEnIkA: I just finish the third chapter!  
  
JeMi: Oh, cool… good night. *sleeps*  
  
jEnIkA: I added Ewan in it…  
  
JeMi: *wakes up* OMG YOU DID? YOU'RE THE BESTEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!  
  
jEnIkA: I added him under one condition…  
  
JeMi: What's that? Add more of Josh?  
  
jEnIkA: Nope. You buy me a lightsaber… and not a cheap one… a REAL ONE  
  
JeMi: YOU ASSHOLE THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS A LIGHTSABER!  
  
jEnIkA: *shows advertisement for one: Think there is no real life lightsaber? GUESS AGAIN! HAS ALL THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF LIGHTSABERS, INCLUDING THE TWO-SIDED LIGHTSABER. Colors: Blue, green, purple, and red.* Yeah there is. ^-^ No lightsaber, no Ewan  
  
JeMi: Grrrr… 


	4. Eerie noises

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
Where were we? Oh yes...  
  
Our Jedi friends have found MORE Jedi friends and now they have heard a strange noise... and no, it's not the same sound Anakin and Padme are making...  
  
Jemi: *waiting impatiently with Anakin and Padme (fully clothed) outside ship* JENIKA!!! GET THE HELL OUT HERE!!! WE HAVE TO FIND WHAT MADE THAT NOISE!!!  
  
Jenika: *comes out* I know master, but Master Obi-wan will not come out under one condition...  
  
Jemi: Ugh, what does he want now?  
  
Jenika: More Cheese Nips.  
  
Jemi: WHERE THE HELL WILL WE GET MORE CHEESE NIPS? THERE ARE NONE ON THIS PLANET! *Eyes Padme and Anakin Kissing* WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?  
  
Padme & Anakin: mmmmmmmmm *keep on kissing*  
  
Jemi: Ugh. *starts walking* Let's go...  
  
~Else where on Planet Endor~  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: *skipping happily along and singing in a high voice* I'm off to find an Ewok for my wonderful wonderful lov- *clears throat and acts more serious* I mean master!!  
  
All of a sudden Darth Tom-is-queer spots an Ewok sitting on a rock trying to fix his spear...  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: *stops singing and skipping* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww! It's so damn cute and innocent! Its gonna be a piece of cake to capture this one! *Walks up to it and as he tries to grab it, the ewok jumps up* Yo, I won't hurt you little-- *Tries to grab Ewok again, but the Ewok hit him on the head with his spear* OOWWW!!! What you do that for??  
  
Ewok: *laughs and points at him, then takes off to his village*  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: What the- Come back here!! I need to take you to my boyfriend- I mean Master!! *starts chasing it*  
  
~Back to our heroes~  
  
Jenika: Master, did you hear that?  
  
Jemi: Which one? The one that the lovebirds are making or the hungry handsome fellow is making?  
  
Jenika: o.O Ummm... neither. The high-pitched scream, and the laughing sound. Did you hear that?  
  
Jemi: *Stares at Obi-Wan for a while* Huh? Oh, yeah, I heard that, too.  
  
Jenika: Sometimes you scare me, Master.  
  
Jemi: ^_^ There are alot of things that I can scare you with.  
  
Obi-Wan: *mouth full* Let's chase after that Ewok over there.  
  
Jenika & Jemi: WHERE?!?!?!?! *Spy Ewok and begin chasing it*  
  
Obi-wan: WAIT UP! *Drop cheese nips*  
  
Ani & Padme: Mmmmmmmmm *stop kissing* Huh?  
  
Soon they see the Ewok running right pass them, followed by a dark figure.  
  
Jemi: What the hell was that?  
  
Jenika: I don't know, but it's after the same Ewok that we need to give to Lewmacca!  
  
As our heroes chase the Ewok, Darth Tom-is-queer is having as much trouble chasing the damn little thing…  
  
Ewok: AHhahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Darth Tom-is-gay: COME BACK HERE!!! I MUST TAKE YOU TO MY MASTER!!!  
  
The Jedi's finally caught up with the Ewok and the dark figure that was also chasing it.  
  
Jenika & Tom-is-queer: *pointing to each other* Who the hell are you?  
  
Jenika: Well, I'm Jenika, Padawan of Master Jemi.  
  
Tom-is-queer: Well, I'm Darth Tom-is-queer, apprentice of Darth Jim-is-gay.  
  
Jemi: Wait, did you say Darth Jim-is-gay?  
  
Tom-is-queer: Yes.  
  
Jemi: Excuse us for one sec.  
  
Jemi: *whispers to Jenika* Jim-is-gay has an apprentice. You disturb him, while I'll get the Ewok.  
  
Jenika: *loudly* WHY DO I HAVE TO DISTURB HIM???  
  
Jemi: Okay fine, I'll get the Ewok, and you'll disturb him.  
  
Jenika: Okay... Hey, wait a minute!  
  
Jemi: *takes off chasing the Ewok*  
  
Jenika: Crap! I hate it when she does that.  
  
Tom-is-queer: HEY I WAS CHASING THAT EWOK TO GIVE TO MY LOV- excuse me, MY MASTER FOR HIS EVIL PLAN TO MAKE EVERY PERSON GAY/LESBIAN IN THE GALAXY!!! *puts his hand over his mouth*  
  
Jenika: Hmm... that was easy to figure out his plan.  
  
Tom-is-gay: Promise you won't tell anyone about this will you?  
  
Jenika: *puts on an evil grin* Uhh... sure, I won't.  
  
Tom-is-gueer: Now where's that Ewok? *Notices Jemi's gone* HEY THAT'S MY EWOK! COME BACK HERE!   
  
Jenika: *blocks Tom-is-queer with lightsaber* Not so fast, Darth Tom-is-queer…that Ewok is as good as ours  
  
Tom-is-queer: *draws purple lightsaber* You're- Oops, wrong lightsaber. *draws red lightsaber* You're not getting it without a battle… nothing stops me from doing something for my lov-I MEAN MASTER!! DIE!!!  
  
The two appetencies engage in a fierce duel. What will ever happened to the dear little Ewok? What will happen to Jenika and Darth Tom-is-queer? Well actually I don't know since-*JeMi punches jEnIkA* OUCH WHAT THE HELL JEM!-oh um just wait for the next damn chapter, ok? r/r!! 


	5. The queer encounter

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
Jemi continues to chase the Ewok. They run deeper and deeper in the forest as Jenika tries to postpone Darth Tom-is-queer from capturing the creature.  
  
Jenika: *blocks Tom's next move* You're a pretty good lightsaber fighter, yet you're pretty gullible…  
  
Tom-is-queer: *blocks Jenika's move* Gullible? Me? Well look who's talking *runs in the direction of Jemi and Ewok*  
  
Jenika: DAMN IT!! I HATE HIM!! *runs after the Sith.*  
  
Obi-Wan: Oh crap, where are my cheese nips? *Sees Jenika leave* Blast! They left again! *Runs after Jenika* Wait for me!!  
  
Anakin & Padme: Mmmmmmmmm *stop kissing* Huh?  
  
~*~In the forest~*~  
  
Jemi: *stops and is out of breath* come… back… EWOK!   
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: *bumps in to Jemi*  
  
Jemi: WHAT THE HELL!?! GET OFF ME! *Tom and Jemi get back up*  
  
Jenika: *bumps into both of them and they fall* HI, MASTER!   
  
Jemi: Umm... Hi, Jenika…  
  
Obi-Wan: *trips and falls onto the pile of ppl* Why hello! Do YOU know where my CHEESE NIPS are?  
  
Jemi: ARGH!!! Jeez, you are really gettin on my nerves, BUT that's really a good thing cuz attached to ME!!! ^_^  
  
Obi-Wan: o.O Umm... no.  
  
Jemi: Oh.  
  
All of a sudden a net brings the whole group together hanging above the ground.  
  
Everyone:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jenika: Oh crap bunnies, why me?  
  
Padme: Why are you up there? *finding the whole group stuck together in a net*   
  
Anikan: Hey, hun, watcha doin?  
  
Padme: Looking at them.  
  
Obi-wan: ANI! HURRY UP, ANIKAN AND QUICKLY RELEASE US FROM THIS BLASTED TRAP SO I CAN FIND MY CHEESE NIPS!  
  
Jenika: FREAK YOUR FREAKING CHEESE NIPS JUST GET US OUT OF HERE! DARTH TOM-IS-QUEER SMELLS LIKE DOGGY CRAP!  
  
Tom-is queer: Well for you information that is my perfume!  
  
Jenika: Perfume?  
  
Jemi: Just let us down, babe...  
  
Padme: I'M THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN CALL HIM BABE!!  
  
Jemi: Sor-rie. Obi-Wan is not only the hottie in the galaxy. ^_^ And besides, you're my idol, even if I'm a Jedi.  
  
Padme: Oh, really? I appreciate that!  
  
Anikan: *keeps glaring at net* Pwetty...  
  
Jemi: Don't worry, I've got his Master.  
  
Obi-Wan: o.O WILL YOU JUST HURRY UP ALREADY?? I'M GETTING HUNGRY!!!  
  
Jemi: IF YOU JUST PIPE DOWN FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR, I'LL BUY A WHOLE ROOM FILLED WITH CHEESE NIPS FOR YOU!!!  
  
Obi-Wan: Really?  
  
Jemi: I promise. ^_^  
  
Anakin: Okie-Dokie I'm bringing you down...*draws lightsaber and cuts net*   
  
Everyone in the net: OWWW!!!  
  
Obi-wan: Oh, force that hurt. *holding his back* Good work, my young padawan… now continue what ever you were doing before.  
  
Anakin: ALL RIGHT!!!!! *Makes out with Padme*   
  
Jemi: Ugh. ~_~  
  
Jenika: Where are we?  
  
Jemi: It looks we're close by the Ewok village. *picks up net* Just look at this net, it was handmade by those little bears.  
  
Tom-is-queer: REALLY? I WANT TO HAVE A TEDDY BEAR!!  
  
Jemi & Jenika: *draws lightsabers*   
  
Jemi: Umm... I think not.  
  
Tom-is-queer: WHY NOT??? I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO MY MASTER SO HE CAN MAKE EVERYONE HOMOSEXUAL!!! *slaps his head*  
  
Jemi: Oooh, so that's his evil plan. *faces to Jenika* Don't let him get near an Ewok.  
  
Jenika: Yes, Master. But, Master.  
  
Jemi: Yes, young one.  
  
Jenika: I just had a thought. Now that we know what is Darth Jim-is-gay's plan to take over the galaxy, we don't have to give an Ewok to Lewmacca, anymore. Right?  
  
Jemi: That's right. *Looks at her padwan*  
  
Jemi & Jenika: OH WELL!!   
  
Jenika: Master, can I ask you one more question?  
  
Jemi: Yes, you may.  
  
Jenika: CAN I PLEASE HAVE AN EWOK AS A PET??? PLEASE??? PLEASE??? PLEASE???  
  
Jemi: Umm... no, because I'm going to have an Ewok.  
  
Jenika: HUH??? WHY???  
  
Jemi: I was thinking that maybe you can ask Lewmacca to have one of his Josh clones.  
  
Jenika: OH MY GOD REALLY??? But wait a minute, aren't we allowed to have possesions?  
  
Jemi: Oh, yeah. Darn.  
  
When Jemi and Jenika were discussing this situation, Darth Tom-is-queer was able to escape and capture an Ewok.  
  
Jemi: Where the hell did that Tom go? *hears a scream from a distance*  
  
Jenika: I think I know where that gayster is.  
  
~*~From the Ewok village~*~  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer was running away from all of the debris that was being thrown at him, by the Ewoks.   
  
Wicket: JA-YUB-YUB!! JA-YUB-YUB!!! JA-YUB-YUB!!!  
  
Darth Tom-is-queer: Wow, who would've believe that I stole the famous Ewok?  
  
Voices from a distance: We can.  
  
Tom-is-queer: Huh? OH SHIT, IT'S THEM!!!  
  
Jenika: You got that right.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
MaStEr JeMi: So what will happen to our heroes now??? Will they ever rescue Wicket from the evil Sith, Darth Tom-is-queer?? Will they stop Darth Jim-is-gay's evil plan in time?? Will Anakin and Padme ever stop making out?? Will Obi-Wan ever end eating his Cheese Nips?? Will-  
  
jEnIkA dA jEdI: ALRIGHT JEM THEY GET THE PICTURE!!!!  
  
MaStEr JeMi: Oh. Sorry. ^_^ Will they ever-  
  
jEnIkA dA jEdI: *takes pan and hit on MaStEr JeMi's head* WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY??? Just tune in for the next chp readers, and r/r!! 


	6. The battle begins

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
As our heroes catch Darth Tom-is-queer in the act, a giant ship begins to land in the Ewok village.  
  
Ewoks: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *Run*   
  
Jenika: WHAT IN THE FORCE IS THAT?  
  
Jemi: Wait, something is coming out of the ship…  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: *comes out of ship* TOM!  
  
Tom-is-queer: MASTER! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! *Gives Jim a teddy-bear hug*  
  
Jemi: Not right… not right at all.   
  
Obi-Wan: Do YOU know where my CHEESE NIPS are MR. SITH?  
  
Jenika: FORGET ABOUT YOUR STUPID CHEESE NIPS, THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION GOING ON RIGHT NOW!!  
  
Jemi: *holds a bag of cheese nips* Be a good little Jedi, and I'll give you the cheese nips, while we'll handle these evil Siths, okay?   
  
Obi-Wan: SO YOU TOOK MY CHEESE NIPS!!!  
  
Jemi: THAT'S NOT THE POINT JUST GO EAT ALREADY!!! *tosses bag of cheese nips*  
  
Obi-Wan: Oh, joy!! *starts munching*  
  
Jemi & Jenika: *draws lightsabers in front of Siths*  
  
Jenika: We have some questions for you. *evil grin*  
  
Jim-is-gay: Ah, you must be wondering what my evil plan is? Well-  
  
Jenika: Shut the hell up; your stupid apprentice told us.  
  
Jim-is-gay: Huh? He did?  
  
Tom-is-queer: I'm sorry Master!! *cries* it was a boo-boo! They wanted to kill me!  
  
Jim-is-gay: That's ok… I still love you and we'll kill them first for what they did!  
  
Tom-is-queer: And lookie!! I've got the Ewok like you said so.  
  
Jim-is-gay: Aww, thank you hun. *hugs Tom-is-queer*  
  
Jemi & Jenika: O.o *looks at each other and moves away from each other about 5 steps*  
  
Jenika: Umm... We're here to battle, not to hug each other.  
  
Jim-is-gay: Oh, right. *draws red lightsaber*  
  
Tom-is-queer: *draws purple lightsaber* o.O Wrong one.  
  
Jemi: Isn't that Master Windu's lightsaber?  
  
Tom-is-queer: No, I made this one cuz I think it's pretty.  
  
Jemi: O.o Right, just use the red one.  
  
Tom-is-queer: Right. *draws red lightsaber*  
  
Soon a fierce battle is about to begin.   
{Note: Master Jemi: I might use the terms that the Jedis use to battle. To make it easier for you readers, PARRY is a block from an attack. ATTACK is of course, an attack on the opponent. JUNG is a 180-degree turn. JUNG MA is a 360-degree spin to gain power for an attack. SAI is a Force-assisted jump to evade an attack to thd legs. SHUN is a one-handed grip, spinning lightsaber 360 degrees to gain speed for an attack.   
jEnIkA dA jEdI: That alot of info.  
Master Jemi: Well sorrie, Jen, I have to get this straight for our readers.  
jEnIkA dA jEdI: It would be simple if you just type 'jump' or 'block.'  
Master Jemi: *waves hand* You will agree with me on the movements.  
jEnIkA dA jEdI: I will agree with you on the movements.  
Master Jemi: Wow, it worked!! *evil grin*}  
  
Jemi: You'll get Darth Tom-is-queer and I'll get Darth Jim-is-gay.  
  
Jenika: Oh, no. I'm not falling for that again.  
  
Jemi: Fine, I'll get Darth Jim-is-gay and you'll Darth Tom-is-queer.  
  
Jenika: Alrighty... wait... *Jemi makes her first move on Jim-is-gay* Rats... *Tom-is-queer makes a his move, and cut a piece of her tunic* HEY!! THAT WAS A PIECE OF MY FAVORITE TUNIC!! NOW YOU'LL PAY!!! *charges at Tom-is-queer, but he blocks her move.*  
  
Jemi: You'll never win Darth Jim-is-gay. We will win this battle. *Jim- attack; Jemi- parry*  
  
Jim-is-gay: Who says that you'll win? *Jemi- low attack; Jim- low parry*  
  
Jemi: ME! *Jemi- High Jung Ma; Jim- High parry*  
  
Jenika: You make me sick, Tom. Especially since your lover is your Master. *Jenika- Jung; Tom- parry  
  
Tom-is-queer: Don't you diss my boyfriend!!! *Tom- Shun; Jenika- parry*  
  
Jenika: MAKE ME!! *Jenika- attack; Tom- parry*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
MaStEr JeMi: So who do you think will win? Our heroes or the gay Siths?   
  
Ewan: I think the gay Siths will win. *jEnIkA hits Ewan with a mallet*  
  
jEnIkA dA jEdI: DON'T YOU EVER DISS US, EWAN!!  
  
Ewan: @_@ ow.  
  
MaStEr JeMi: *sighs* Just wait for the next chp readers. And don't forget to review!! 


	7. Still battling...

Disclaimer: All of the characters from SW belong to the creator himself, George Lucas, BUT Master Jemi and Padawan Jenika belong to me and my friend, and all of things that you are unfamiliar with.  
  
The battle rages on. Jemi against Darth Jim-is-gay; Jenika fighting his evil apprentice. Everything is under control until something goes very wrong…  
  
Darth Jim-is-gay: *parry* YOU WILL NEVER WIN!  
  
Jemi: *low attack; Jim- Sai* That's what they all say… then look what happens… THEY LOSE! *Jemi- attack; Jim- parry*  
  
Jim-is-gay: *Attack, but Jemi dodged away and then he cuts Obi's Cheese Nips box in half* Um… sorry about that. *Low attack; Jemi-Sai*  
  
Obi-Wan: *glaring at cheese nips on the ground* Cheese Nips? Are you ok? Cheese Nip? Winky? Sarah? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU KILLED MY CHEESE NIPS!!!!!!!!! DIE! *Draws lightsaber and attacks Jim*  
  
Jim-is-gay: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *runs around like a uh.... gay idiot*  
  
Jemi: He names crackers… that's scary… but he's still cute *sighs, then charges at Jim-is-gay*  
  
As everyone fights, Anikan and Padme kept making-out.  
  
Anakin: Mmmmmmmmm *eyes Obi-Wan fighting; let's go of Padme* Master? MASTER!! I'LL HELP YOU!! BEDSIDES IM THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU!!! *Draws lightsaber and attacks Tom*  
  
Padme: ANI! COME BACK! Damn it was getting good too… FINE JUST DO THAT AND I'LL JUST SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING! *Sits down near a tree* He was getting ready to- *sees Ewok* Why hello little Ewoks *grab her and tie her onto a stick* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAANNNNNAAAAKIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!  
  
Anakin: I'M HERE TO HELP, JENIKA!!!! *parries Tom-is-queer's charging Jung.*  
  
Jenika: Huh? Okay! Cool! Finally you stopped kissing your mate. *parry; Anakin- low parry; Tom- Jung Ma*  
  
~*~Meanwhile in the village~*~  
  
Padme: Just great. I'm about to get eaten by cute teddy bears. *being roasted on a open fire*  
  
Frucon: Yub-yub Yo-yub?  
  
Moango: YUB-YUB!!  
  
Padme: AAAAAANNNNNNAAAAAAKKKKKKIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~Back to the fight~*~  
  
Jenika: Did you hear something? *attack; Tom- parry*  
  
Anakin: I think so... *looks at her* OH WELL!!! *jung; Jenika- shun; Tom- 360 degree parry*  
  
Jemi: *hears the screaming* That sounds like Padme. HEY, ANAKIN, YOU'RE WIFE'S IN DEEP TROUBLE !!  
  
Anakin: Huh? *attack*  
  
Jemi: YOUR FREAKING WIFE IS CAPTURED BY THE LITTLE EWOKS!!!  
  
Anakin: OH. TELL HER THAT I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW MINUTES!! *parry*  
  
Jemi: O.o Ugh. I guess some hotties are not really smart what you think they are.  
  
Obi-Wan: *still chasing Jim-is-gay* YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY CHEESE NIPS!!! YOU MUST DIE!!!!!!  
  
Jim-is-gay: *running away from the Jedis* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S JUST CHEESE NIPS, YOU'RE GOIN TO EAT THEM ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Obi-Wan: I DONT CARE!!!! I'M SUPPOSED TO KILL THEM, NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jemi: *sighs, and running after them* I WANT TO BATTLE HERE!! NOT CHASING THE HOMOSEXUAL!!!!  
  
Obi-Wan: BUT HE KILLED MY CHEESE NIPS!!!!  
  
Jemi: I'M GIVING A ROOM FULL OF CHEESE NIPS, REMEMBER??? BESIDES I WANT TO HAVE A BATTLE!!!!  
  
Obi-Wan: *stops running* Oh. Okay. When will you give them to me? *Jim-is-gay stops and sat down for a break*  
  
Jemi: *stops running* As soon as I defeat Jim-is-gay.  
  
Obi-Wan: Can I help?? *puts a huge grin on*  
  
Jemi: Sure. *yells from a distance* YO, DARTH JIM-IS-GAY, CAN WE BATTLE NOW??  
  
Jim-is-gay: Just... give... me... a... min... nute...  
  
Jemi: *looks at her watch* YOUR MINUTE IS UP NOW. *draws lightsaber* CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs toward him*  
  
Obi-Wan: WAIT FOR ME!!!! *runs with Jemi*  
  
Jim-is-gay: Oh, god. *draws lightsaber, double parry; Jemi- strong Jung Ma; Obi-Wan- attack.*  
  
The craziness of the battle keeps on going. All of a sudden another ship lands in the Ewok village. Low and behold, Lewmacca, Chewbecca, Josh Ttentrah, and Han Solo come out of it.  
  
Han Solo: HEY! There are the little b******ds that stole our ship!  
  
Chewbecca: Rowff roff foor.  
  
Han: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID IT AGAIN? ITS NOT LIKE CURSING IS DESTROYING THIS FAN FICTION! WHAT'S A FAN FIC AGAIN? AAAAAHHHHHH!!  
  
Jenika: *glance at Josh* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! JOSH!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *Runs over and hugs Josh*  
  
Josh: Can't… breath… UGH.  
  
Jemi: Jenika, get your ass back in the battle and help Anakin! *Walks over to Han and waves her hand in front of his face* You will go rescue Padme from getting eaten by Ewoks.  
  
Han: I will go rescue Padme from Ewoks. Come let's go…  
  
Lewmacca: Roof?  
  
Han: WE ARE GOING TO RESCUE SOMEONE FROM EWOKS! LET'S GO!  
  
Jemi: *yells* JENIKA STOP HUGGING JOSH AND HELP ANAKIN!!!!  
  
Jenika: Oh, ok. *let's go of Josh* I have to battle now…bye bye *draws light saber and attacks Tom*   
  
Josh: o.O Ugh. *falls to the ground*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
MaStEr JeMi: Wow, we're almost done with our first humor Star Wars fic, Jenika.  
  
jEnIkA dA jEdI: Why, yes indeed, Master.  
  
MaStEr JeMi: NOW who do you think is going to win?? The Jedis? Or the Siths?  
  
Ewan, Hayden, Natalie: We think it's going to be the Siths.  
  
*authors looks at each other and then puts an evil grin on thier faces.*   
  
jEnIkA: Say that again?  
  
Hayden: We said that we think it's going to be the Siths. *jEnIkA attacks Hayden; Jemi attacks Ewan and Natalie* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
jEnIkA: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DISSING US???  
  
JeMi: I know that you trio are my favorite actors and actress, but YOU HAVE AGREE WITH US ON THIS ONE!!!!  
  
*From a distance*  
  
Harrison: I don't want to get caught in that situation. So I'll say the Jedis. You have to agree on me this one readers, and don't forget to review! 


End file.
